Friday, August 21, 2015

What If She Was Yours?

I have always had quiet a bit of feminism in me. Too many women fought for the rights that we have. I do believe that in many, many, many circumstances I am equal and sometimes even superior to my male counterparts. Throughout my short life, I have fought the "you're just a girl" comments and have even used them as fuel to push harder.

I remember my grandfather telling me that since I was a girl and from the South, I would have to fight twice as hard to prove my worth. I would have to be twice as smart. And most importantly get my tears in check.

I was told by a high school guidance counselor that I was "just an average girl" and I shouldn't apply for any colleges other than the local community college. Then when acceptance letters poured in from every college I applied to, she called me into her office and yelled at me for not getting her permission and she let me know I created a lot of extra work for her.

I had a college professor look at me straight in the face and tell me that "the only thing that women have done throughout history is give birth to significant men." He fought me on almost every step of earning my history degree, but I went to my adviser and we figured out a new path so I could achieve the double degree.

I was fired from my job for giving birth to our first child. Since I missed an audit (because I was seriously in labor) it was deemed that I was not responsible enough to continue my job.

Just a few weeks ago I questioned our builders on things they were doing to our home and invoices we were paying. Rather than having an adult conversation, emotions went flying, I felt attacked and insulted and they next thing I knew I was in someone's face. I was told to "Go hob-nob back in DC and see if that gets your house finished." Rather than us discussing the questions I had, I was attacked and written off because I was a woman and my job was downgraded to "hob-nobbing."

Right after we moved here, the editor to the local paper wrote a note that he was upset that women would be featured on money soon. He wanted to know if they would use a picture of women shopping or vacuuming. I was assured he was only kidding, but I really don't think he was. He sure did spend a lot of time on something that was supposed to be taken as a joke and his joke sure did have a degrading manor to it.

In the news now we have Ronda Rousey, two females who qualified for Ranger tabs, a female NFL ref and the US women's soccer team. They are all achieving such incredible levels of awesomeness that this mother of two girls is beyond excited that our girls have new faces to look to for inspiration.

I had two females who were in the public eye when I was growing up who inspired me, Senator Elizabeth Dole and Sally Ride. That's it. The rest of my inspiration came from men. And having the honor to work with one of the women I always looked up to is inspiring beyond words!!

For some reason our society feels the need to squash female achievement any way we can. The comments that have come out about the women who are hitting these new goals are primeval. Seriously, what year is this?!

I will proudly admit I have no desire to participate in a MMA fight, play soccer, complete Ranger course or referee the NFL, but if that is something you want to do I will cheer you on!! I will also proudly share your accomplishments with our daughters.

I am so blessed that my grandfather encouraged me to light my own path. I am so thankful to have a husband that puts up with my loud mouth and opinions. I am thankful for brothers (related and not) who will not tolerate someone putting me or my work down. I am thankful for a job that values me and my opinion.

I will admit the one thing I love about my job is that I am treated as an equal. I have lost track of how many times I have been in a room and had to pull the "yes I am a woman, but I know what I am talking about" card. But with YRF, our board actually asks my opinion and it is lovely to be valued.

Now to all of you keyboard commandos, here is the question I would like to pose to you. What if one of these awesome women were a part of your life? What if they were your wife, girlfriend, sister or daughter? Would you still be so brave behind your keyboard and fire off your disgusting comments? I know that when I have been cyber-attacked it has enraged my husband and those who know me so well. But like I always say, "We don't win internet wars with people who obviously cannot pull their heads out of their own ass."

Why can we not just take the time to think that what they are accomplishing it awesome?! Why do we have to belittle and question how they got there? We don't question the male counterparts to the same degree.

Once words are out there, they cannot be taken back. Sure you can delete your comment, but you already threw it out and someone felt that sting. Been there, felt that. My favorite was the person who said they'd "wish I would die so my family would live happily ever after." Yup, not going to forget that one any time soon.

So keyboard commandos, is you are so brave behind the keyboard, why not channel that bravery and go make your own mark rather than lashing out at women who are making their place in history?! If you took all of your jealousy and hate and channeled it into positive productivity then we would all have a much better world. But wait, you'd have to come out from behind your keyboard.....

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Let's Go for a Run....

I randomly decided I would run a 5k with my friend, Demetria, last night. I have not ran even one mile in the last month, so yeah it sounded totally sane to take off and run 3.1.

I needed it. I needed to burn off all my frustrations. My legs are already sore and I will be best friends with Tylenol and Motrin today, but I needed that run. I needed to sweat away all the things that are driving me crazy. Bonus!! I was the last runner in, so I brought four cop cars in with me last night to the finish line. I am super proud that I helped them get back safely to the finish line. And the craziest part was that I had my best 5k time ever.

As caregivers we put our selves last, as moms we are guilty of that too, therefore I am double guilty. I have really been just giving myself away to the world here in the past month. If I am not working, then I am working on this house. I have found very little time for me. I love to read, but most nights I am barely getting a chapter read.

Our house is not finished. We can live in it, but our builders still have lots of cosmetic things to do. To be honest, I have no idea when it will be finished. I honestly feel like this house is going to be like I-24....always under construction some where.

I feel like we truly cannot unpack and live in our home because we do not know from day to day who is coming or not. People show up at 5am one day then don't show up for days. Then one person randomly shows up. FYI apparently you are supposed to be ok with all of this and you are not supposed to question the randomness, because that offends people. And it is ok for people to smoke on your property where ever they want and you shouldn't say anything about that. Oh and it's totally ok that every deadline has been missed and a list of things still need to be finished, but they have other projects to work on so they'll get back to you when they can. Yeah, that's why I needed a run.

I finished our bathrooms July 4th weekend. With help from friends, I finished our closets the following weekend. I guess I am finishing the rest of the house too, because we sure as heck aren't getting any direct answers or plan of execution. We are just supposed to sit and wait for them to show up and finish I guess.

I am choosing to focus on the fact we can live in the house. I am choosing to focus on the fact that Chaz can get around so freely! The house is absolutely lovely and we love it, but we'd really like to make it a home, not a home in the middle of a construction site. I am choosing optimism and hope, when yesterday I seriously wanted to throat punch someone.

And at the end of the day, we do not regret walking away from the non-profit that promised to build our home. We may have our frustrations, but I would rather deal with this any day then what we would have faced with the non-profit.

In other good news, we have sold our home and will close on it this week. We are really excited that it sold so quickly and we fully credit our realtor for the success of the sale. She has done a wonderful job and we are very happy with her services.

We are looking to August to be a month of greatness for our family. I know that for months now I have said, "If we can just make it to (fill it a time frame) things will be better." Well in August we will only own one home and we will be able to give it all of our attention. Our girls will start school and we will adjust to not having them with us all the time. (By the way, I am already super sad that I will miss out of eight hours of their day five days a week soon.) August is going to be great! Now to get to the finish line of July.

Sunday, June 14, 2015

So We Moved.....

Our Clarksville home is empty and will be put on the market soon. Our belongings are in our new home. And our bodies, pets, personal information and technology.....well that is all at my sister's house.

We currently cannot live in our house. Why?! Because people didn't come to work and volunteers didn't show up as promised. That is the reason.

I will not lie, this has been one of the most stressful and exhausting weeks I have had in memory. Our movers were college kids who seriously did not care about anything but getting off from work. They broke several pieces of our furniture and finally we just told them to leave. (We will be discovering their damage for a long time to come I am sure.)

Since we did not have a fridge ready, we chose to leave our groceries in Clarksville and that I would get them when I picked up the youngest cutie from camp. When I arrived, I discovered CDE decided to turn off the power, when I specifically asked for them to just turn off the phone, cable and internet only. We lost $500 in groceries. I sure did get to pack up the groceries...I packed them right up into the garbage.

I stood in our Clarksville kitchen and cried all of my makeup off on Friday. The stress and frustration won. Sometimes it is just best to cry and let it go. I did feel so much better once I just let it all out.

Just like everything else that has happened to us, we are making the best out of it. We have missed our nephews growing up, so we are enjoying all the time we are getting to actually get to know them. I personally am enjoying getting to actually work on our home. I love power tools and home repairs. The builders kept saying that I shouldn't do it. Well I don't take no very well for an answer so I am working on all of the cosmetic things that don't require licenses and training. If I do the little cosmetic stuff, they can stay focused on the real issues and get us in! We are team players and for sure. Chaz and I do not stand on the side lines when we can jump in and help the team. 

I wanted a fully functioning bathroom so I grabbed my little brother, Demetria and my drill and boom we have a bathroom! No more port-a-potty for our family! ;)

Demetria's hubby Ray has been mowing our grass all this time. Thanks to Nine Line Foundation and Ray, Chaz got to fire up his mower yesterday and he mowed our grass for the first time.

It seriously does look like they are racing. (Thanks to Demetria for these pics.)They actually did get the grass mowed and even took time to show the girls how to mow.

Before anyone goes ballistic on our builders, please don't. They cannot force people to come to work. They cannot force people who say they want to "help" to actually help. They cannot force volunteers to actually show up and follow through. Please know they are seriously working seven days a week to help get us in. It is a VERY frustrating situation for all of us. We are a team and we are all working together to reach the finish line.

I am declaring this week is our week! Our home will be inspected and we will be able to live in it. We will get to go through the boxes (and probably toss out more than we want to thanks to our mover friends). We will unpack our lives and start living our new chapter of our new normal!! And the next blog I write will be from our forever home!

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Closing the Chapter

The time has come to close our chapter in Clarksville. I know we will be back for visits, but our residency is ending. Our address has been changed. Our mail is being forwarded. The seventeen years of our relationship and family are sitting in boxes all around us just waiting for people to deliver them to another destination.

We will never forget the 101st and how great they were to our family. We will forever and always be a Screaming Eagle family.

It is bittersweet. We have so many memories here. It is truly hard to put this all into words without crying......again.

As I sit here at my desk for the last time in this house, I cannot help but to think of sitting here on January 22, 2011 when the call that changed our lives came. I cannot stop all the thoughts of things that were said and things that happened since that day.

Even though I have have been blessed with over three decades of life, I feel that a bomb truly taught me to live. It taught me what is really important in life.

My goal in life is to leave things better than I found them. I truly believe we have done that here in Clarksville. 

We will always praise the storm that was created by a bomb. We will always praise the event that was meant to destroy lives, because Chaz's one step that changed our lives has also changed and impacted so many others in such a positive way.

We close our Clarksville chapter in approximately 24 hours. We are so thankful for our time here. And we truly hope that the new residents that occupy this home after us will make as many wonderful memories as we have!

Friday, May 1, 2015

Red Tape Diary Entry #4 (Benches and Urinals)

Chaz and I avoid the VA. Why?! Because it is always a headache unless we are dealing with our care team only. Our VA care team knows us. They know if we ask for something we need it. They aren't always able to help, but they are for sure on our side. And best of all our care team doesn't treat us like we are a hassle. Our care team treats us like family, which is why we love working with them.

Chaz uses a few medical supplies every single day. Due to the frequency of use, they wear out and need to be replaced. We do not ask for items to be replaced unless they actually need to be replaced. It truly bothers me that we have to go through OT to get these items and when we do we have to have to endure the Spanish Inquisition.

Why so many questions?! Well it turns out some of our veterans are abusing the system. They are obtaining medical supplies and selling them on them online. So apparently the answer to this problem is treat every veteran and caregiver as if they are going to do the same.

We needed a new shower bench. I am not sure if this is the first or second one we have asked for since January 2013, but I really don't care at this point. I threw away Chaz's old shower bench. Why? Because it was covered in rust and mold. He uses it every single day, sometimes more than once a day and it was time for it to be replaced. I know we have used it for quite sometime so I was more than happy to toss it for him.

Since beginning of this journey, we have always had two shower benches. One stays in the bathroom for daily use and one stays packed up for travel. When the one in the bathroom wears out, I toss it and replace it with the travel bench and then we ask for a new one. We get a new one about once a year, it's really not that often and we couldn't remember when we asked for the last one.

I take very good care of his shower benches. They are broken down and cleaned when I clean the bathroom and we wipe them off with disinfectant wipes everyday since that padding directly touches his skin. I was informed this week that his shower benches are supposed to last for 5 years and next time I shouldn't throw it away I should bring it in with me and they will decide if he needs a new one.

Um no, OT does not make the call on infectious diseases. Chaz is prone to collect all sorts of fun stuff. We are still rebuilding his immune system after three flesh eating bacterias, shingles and I can't even remember what else in the span of less than 4 years. This would be why we clean and dispose like we do. That bench needs to be cleaned daily and since we do it breaks down the padding cover. And seriously he and I will determine when he needs a new bench not people who see him for the first time and don't take the time to read the chart. FYI there is no way in Hell those benches will last 5 years with daily use and cleaning. That is just so not happening.

They let us know that the bench Chaz needed had to be ordered, we said ok, then they tried to give him a different bench because they had it. That bench would not work because Chaz needs the padding for his back injury. We tried the cheaper bench while at Walter Reed and it is not as supportive nor is it comfortable for him. We had to once again justify and argue for his needs.

Again new people, not reading the chart trying to decide what needs to happen versus people who deal with his needs everyday. Now take a second and think about our veterans who don't have caregivers advocating for them and insisting on the medical staff acknowledging their needs. 

Then I asked for more urinals. Chaz cannot reach any of the toilets here without transferring so he has to use urinals multiple times per day. Those things get disgusting quick. We bleach them and yuck they just have to go. I asked for three and I was returned with "Why so many?" I said because we have three bathrooms and I think he shouldn't have to wait for us to get him one, they should be right there. (Crazy, I know.)

It was at this point I was enlightened about veterans getting equipment and selling it. I informed them that I will sign something agreeing to not selling his equipment online or period. Which would not be a bad idea, just saying. Or actually keep up with the veteran's equipment requests and when you see repetitive requests, then make them bring in the equipment that the replacement request is for. (Yes I'll save the urinals for them and bring them in.) Everything is in the system, you can pull it up and look at it. I've seen Chaz's and I bet they can as well.

If I had it my way we would have three new urinals delivered at least once a month and the bench once a year, but no I have to go through the yards of red tape to get them from the VA. So I just buy them when we need them and request them from the VA when I think about it. Then when I think about it, I regret it.

Here's what I will never understand. If you are so bitter and complacent about your job, then quit. I understand working with people is hard. Working with our veterans can be very hard. Some of them are so angry and it is hard to deal with that anger. However 99.9% of them are amazing Americans. We should all focus on that. Don't let the rotten apples ruin the bunch to where you treat everyone as scammer. We are all so tired that we want to make our VA experience as delightful as possible. We really don't want to be there, so please don't make it any worse than it has to be. Most importantly remember that if it wasn't for our nation's heroes you would be unemployed. Be thankful for them, because they not only served and sacrificed for you, they are your entire reason for employment. And most importantly listen to the caregiver who is with them every single day and knows their needs way better than you do.

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Mr. Derek's Tater Tot Casserole

Many people have their own version of this dish. I agreed to start sharing recipes so here's another one, but I have to tell the story of how it was renamed in our home. It is no secret that Derek McConnell left a big hole in our hearts. Our family was so blessed to have him and his family in our lives and we think of him often. We always think about him when we have Tater Tot Casserole.

I remember the first time I met Siobhan and Krystina in the hallway of Walter Reed-Bethesda. Our family had just returned from Tennessee and I had been trying to meet them before we left, but things were just so crazy for both of our families. Finally we made it happen and offered to bring dinner to make up for my just now getting there.

Derek was not able to eat yet, but Siobhan and Krystina told him all about the casserole. When I finally met Derek he informed me that he would need for me to make the dish again and just for him. Of course I agreed. I cannot remember how many times I made it for him, but I know it was more than once. And he cracked me up with his comments every time I did.

My favorite time came when our friends, Jessie and Emily, joined us for dinner. And no kidding they decided wars could be ended if I would just make that casserole and pass it out. I was even able to snap a pic of the guys while they were chatting. This picture is definitely one of my favorites.

The last time I saw Derek I promised him the next time I visited I would cook him his own pan and I promised to not make him share. I still remember that promise as clearly as I remember his smile.

After Derek passed, I made the casserole one night and the girls dubbed it "Mr. Derek's Tater Tot Casserole" and so it shall always remain. All great recipes deserve to be shared. This one is loved by so many and I hope your family enjoys it as well. I do ask that if you do make it, you share Derek's courageous story and pray for his family and all those his life touched just as we do when we have it here in our home.

Mr. Derek's Tater Tot Casserole
1lb ground turkey
1 medium onion, chopped
1 can cream of celery
1 can cream of mushroom
1 bag of tater tots (we use Ore-Ida's mini-tots)
1 bag of shredded cheese (I use a mixed blend that includes cheddar)

Preheat the over to 400 degrees. Spray a 13x9 pan with cooking spray, pour the tater tots in and place in the oven. Brown turkey and onion together. Add salt and pepper to your liking. Once it is thoroughly cooked, add soups. Let this simmer on low until your tots are slightly browned.

Once the tots are slightly browned, turn the oven to 375. Remove the tots and pour meat/soup mixture on top. Return to oven for 20 minutes. When either the 20 minutes is up or you can see it bubbling, remove it, sprinkle cheese all over the top and return it to the oven to melt the cheese. Once the cheese is melted, remove it from the oven, let it cool and enjoy.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Boot

Sometimes you can make all the plans you want and then other things happen.....

Yesterday was April 15, Tax Day, the day I celebrate because I get to cut my work load back the next day. I should have been celebrating, right?! Well instead I am mad at the world...

This past weekend we traveled to Owensboro, KY for cutie #2's dance competition. She scored a Gold and here are my two favorites pics from her performance.

We are so proud of her for practicing so hard and rocking a solo on stage. We are constantly amazed at her 9 year old skills!! We truly hope she continues to dance. She is simply amazing to watch.

The night before the competition I was walking around the hotel room and the sofa bed attacked my left foot out of nowhere. I just don't understand why it would do that.....Ok truth, I am ridiculously clumsy and I was tired and I kicked that sofa bed with full force. I sucked it up and limped through it until I could see the doctor (I do not do ERs unless it is actually urgent).

The outcome....not broken, but severely inflamed and sprained. This guy and I will be really good friends for the next few weeks.We are already having issues in our relationship, but I am hoping to work things out in a positive way.
I am not one to complain, but damnit this sucks. I planned to start working on the house after tax season. I have so many little things that have to get done, but they all involve standing and/or walking and I cannot do that right now. There's just no way, my foot swells too quickly. And of course our delightful rainy weather isn't helping my attitude.

I know it is only temporary. I know this too will pass. I just hate being slowed down to slug pace, a limping slug pace at that. I operate at 100 miles per hour all the time and I have been placed in a school zone. It is hard for me to slow down especially when we have so much going on.

Yesterday I told Chaz (and myself) that everything else has worked out, this will too. I told a friend that apparently the good Lord decided I really needed to slow down. I am trying to acknowledge his plans are always better than mine and time always flies and this will be behind me soon. I am trying to focus on all the things I can accomplish while sitting. Looks like I'll finally get to read some more books. 

I think when you are a caregiver your anger triples when you are hurt or sick. I know mine has. I have already apologized to my family a few times for being snappy. You really do forget how much pain can control your attitude when you cannot control the pain. Luckily my hubby knows a lot about pain and totally understands where I am right now. He also knows I don't like to ask for help (one of the many things we have in common). It is extremely comforting to have a hubby that totally gets it. And yes my injury is extremely minor compared to his, but I appreciate him so much for letting me whine and complain.

I think this boot is here to teach me a lesson in humility and to just slow me down for a bit. We all know I, like my hubby, cannot be slowed down for too long.