We Need Your Help and Why?!

So many of you are aware of our journey. Many of you have followed us through our ups and downs. Many of you are aware Chaz retired from the Army in January. We are finally moving forward with our lives, but we now need your help and perhaps help from a few of your friends or even friends of friends or golf buddies, gym friends, heck, who am I kidding, all of the above.

August 1, 2007, Chaz and I sold our first home and purchased a cute two story 1800 sq ft home within 15 minutes of Fort Campbell. We were able to mortgage our home for only $142,000 because it needed a lot of work done to it.

Chaz was at the NCO Academy at the time. He worked 15 days on, 4 days off for those first 2 years we were in our current home. During this time the girls were 2 and 5. I spent a lot of time at home with them. I took it upon myself to pull up all the carpet and lay the hardwood laminate. I tiled on the back splash in the kitchen. I changed all the light fixtures and door knobs and my honey done list goes on and on. You can for sure say we know the hard work involved in home ownership. But this was our home and I loved putting all the sweat equity into it.

The day Chaz was injured, I found myself in a trance walking around the house trying to figure out how he would get around our cute little two story colonial home that we both really liked. I knew there would be a lot of obstacles in his way. I remember someone asking me what I was doing walking around in my trance. I told them I was planning for Chaz to come home. I remember someone saying, "We've got time for that." I also remember snapping and saying, "I need a distraction, ok?!" At that moment I was waiting hours between phone calls with updates on Chaz's condition. I desperately needed to focus on something. That night I just cried because I knew this house was no longer suitable for our family. I knew we'd have to move out to move on with our lives. I loved this house because we had put so much time and effort into it. But I knew in order for our family to move on and live happily ever after a new house would have to be built.

In May 2011, we made plans to bring Chaz home for the first time. I was amazed at all the people who wanted to help. We were blessed by a cleaning crew for both inside and out. CSM St Louis had our ramp installed at the front door. Chaz's Nurse Case Manager, Colonel Crum, had all of his adaptive equipment sent in front of us. The day after we arrived home Colonel Crum called to see what we needed. I told him lifting Chaz's chair up and down our stairs was interesting. Crum ordered me a wheel chair for the upstairs. Crum worried about me getting hurt carrying the chair up and down the stairs everyday twice a day. (Funny story, I got hurt a few times before that chair arrived.)

Fast forward to now. We are still here. We love this house. Chaz's jokes all the time about how he lives in a "Cripple's Nightmare." It's so true. All of our bedrooms and full bathrooms are upstairs. Chaz either walks or scoots down the stairs once he is up and showered for the day. He spends his day on the lower level. On our bottom level he bumps into transitions that are between the rooms. He has to use a kitchen chair to transfer onto the toilet because normal adaptive devices don't fit into the "toilet closet" (as he refers to it). If they do fit, the bench is not wide enough to support him. (Remember he's a big boy.) He cannot reach anything in the cabinets because they are too high. The sink is also too high and then too deep, so when he helps me wash the dishes he gets a pretty good wash himself. He cannot go into the back yard to play with our girls. The back door leads to a deck that has a big step down and the 3 steps down to get to the yard. He also cannot get to the back through the gate because of the hill on the side and then the ground itself. Basically Chaz is trapped in his house and is dependent on the girls and I to make it accessible for him as he needs. Let me assure you, I have done everything I can think of to make this house work for him for now. Due to his recent bout of shingles and then the back surgery, Chaz is having a hard time wearing his legs. So if he can't access it by wheeling or scooting it "ain't happening". Which means this house is even worse for him right now.

So what have we done about all of this? First we contacted a non-profit for help. Helping A Hero has agreed to help us. You can learn more about them at http://www.helpingahero.org/  Chaz and I are putting in a $50,000 mortgage and his $64,000 grant from the VA. Helping A Hero has pledged another $100,000. So we have $214,000 to start with. It's one heck of a start, but we'll need more. 

Chaz's adaptive bathroom costs $40,000 minimum and seriously that's just for basic needs. Chaz needs special doorways, lower cabinets and so on. When you start looking it all it is so intimidating. The book from the VA is about 100 pages thick. We have to complete all the tasks in the book in order to receive the $64,000. No, I am not kidding. Hello it's the government, they don't just write checks without hoops. I will say our SAH (special adaptive housing) Representative has been awesome. He has gone the extra mile to help ensure we check all those boxes. Here's a link to the FAQ sheet on the VA SAH grant so you can learn more. http://www.benefits.va.gov/homeloans/documents/docs/part1_va_pamphlet_26_jrd_edits_doc.pdf Question 13 (begins on page 4) lists the most important things that must be done for Chaz to receive the grant. Please remember this is just the cliff notes version of the SAH grant.

Donna Campbell, our realtor (and my 3rd and 4th grade music teacher), helped kick off our journey to our Happily Ever After when she helped us get our land in McMinnville, Tennessee. Our builder is Elaine Rains Construction and she has been a huge advocate for us. County Commissioner John Pelham held a meeting and got the county to wave all the charges for the fees and permits. Elaine just has to file the papers for us.

We are getting there, but we need still everything from shelves to shingles from HVAC to hardware from plumping to pipes. So a few friends are trying to help us out. You can visit http://www.ourheroshomecoming.com/ or http://www.gofundme.com/NEVER-QUIT to see what they are doing for us. Operation Ward 57 has gotten involved in another way too. https://www.niceshirt.org/campaigns/index.php/military/opward57/chaz-allen.html So you can see you have multiple ways of getting involved. It's quite awesome!!

So how can you help?! You see the links above. Of course money is always the easy answer, but we need supplies and labor too. Do you know someone who would donate shingles or roofing supplies? Do you know someone who would donate flooring? Do you know a professional who would volunteer or deeply discount their time to help us? We need it all.

Don't think you can help. $5 buys those electrical plate covers. $5 buys a few tiles. We can make $5 go somewhere, trust me. We will be thankful for any and everything.

Chaz's house will cost around $300,000 minimum. This figure is excluding the land cost. I know a few have questioned the cost. I can assure you we took the plans we were given and with the advice of our builder, we looked for every way to save money and cut costs. We lowered the ceilings, opted to not put in a fireplace, removed decorative pitches from the roof and a few other little things that will save money. In addition, we have 10 boxes of tile, a shower system and a ceiling fan that I found when cleaning our garage that will be put into the new home.

A few people have said to build up, not out. Keep in mind if we were to build up then Chaz would need an elevator to access the entire house. An elevator would be expensive to put in and I cannot imagine the maintenance bill on that. We realize it is cheaper to build up, rather than build out in a normal situation. However this house is for Chaz and he needs it to be able to fully accessible to everything. So we need to build out not up.

I know a few have disagreed with Chaz having a house bigger than we currently own. I invite the critics to please come visit our current home and follow Chaz around for a day. Watch him have to sit at the back door and watch his girls play because he can't get to his back yard. Watch him pull himself or walk up the ramp to get inside. Watch him roll over the transitions and try to not fall out of his chair onto the tile in the kitchen. I have to laugh at the critics who see the cost and think Chaz is getting some elaborate mansion. We are seriously going with only Chaz's needs and that is the proposed cost with all of his needs factored in. We are not building a home for an average "leg walker." We are building a forever home for a wounded Hero. Please keep that in mind when you are criticizing what we are doing. Please also know we have the plans that have been and will be used in other homes for other Heroes. Please keep in mind that our home is within the standards of many, many other Heroes and their homes. Heck we took a few frills out just to save money and still the critics come. We can happily provide links to the other heroes who are in the same situation and also need your help.

Please consider what you can do to help families like ours heal and move on with our Happily Ever After. Every little bit helps and most importantly pray that we can get all this done sooner than later. THANK YOU!!!!

Let Me Tell You About This One...

Yesterday Brian was kind enough to share the second story TF1 did on our family. I love this video and let me tell you why....

Despite all the criticism, I waited almost two months to take the girls to see Chaz. Since day one of this journey, I have found myself thinking about how they must feel. It's no secret I have sheltered our girls as much as possible. I think any mother wearing my shoes would.

Thanks to the nurses in Germany, I knew what Chaz would look like when I saw him. I was incredibly scared to see him for the first time. I knew it would be pretty bad and I just couldn't contemplate letting our little girls, who were 5 and 8 at the time, see him in that state. I took off to Walter Reed in DC on January 26, 2011 and left the girls with my Mom.

I knew the right thing to do was see to Chaz and assess the situation before bringing the girls in. I knew his mental state was excellent and I needed him to help me make the right choices.  The decisions that we had to make were horrible. There was not one easy choice during the first few months of our journey. Heck who am I kidding, we haven't had an easy choice this entire journey. I knew had to keep our family apart for a while in order to do what was best, so I did. Chaz didn't like this decision anymore than I did, but we agreed that was what had to be done.

We had decided in January to bring the girls up to see him on their Spring Break. We worked so hard with our medical team, OT, PT, social worker and child psychologist to put a reunion plan together. Chaz decided he wanted to be tube free before seeing the girls. We thought the fewer the tubes, the less frightened they would be. Chaz and his team made that happen. He was down to a only PICC line when the girls saw him. 

In the meantime, every Wednesday I was in Reagan National and Nashville International Airports switching off between Chaz and the girls and it sucked. One Wednesday I would get up, take the girls to school, catch my plane and be with Chaz by lunch. Then I'd spend a week with him, have lunch with him, and that Wednesday and catch an afternoon flight and be with the girls by dinner time. This went on from January 26 to May something. Thanks to Hero Miles, I was able to make our plan work and not drain our emergency fund.

Each step of the way I was criticized by family, friends, medical staff and strangers for our decision to keep them away from each other. It was our decision, not my decision. Yes I came up with the plan, but Chaz and I decided together that this was what the girls needed. However all of the blame fell on me. I was labeled as a horrible person for being so selfish and keeping Chaz from his girls and for keeping the girls from their Dad. People forgot that the Army kept Chaz away from his girls for over half of their lives. People failed to realized we were raising Infantry daughters. Our girls were thrilled that they could call their Daddy now. They had never had that option before. Not seeing Dad was truly just another day to them. Not seeing him so early on, kept their worries to a minimum. These details were not factoring into the critics minds. No instead they saw a guy with no legs and a woman keeping his daughters from him.

Somehow I blocked them all out. I put myself in a "heal my family" tunnel. All I cared about was Chaz's opinion. He didn't want the girls to see him in the state he was in. He confided all of his feelings in me and as his wife it was my job to make sure his wishes were carried out. So many people somehow felt like they knew what to do in my situation. It was a hard eight weeks of back and forth. Very few people gave a crap about the weight I was carrying. Very few cared about the fact that I was wearing myself out to make it all work. Instead the people who should have cared and listened just kept piling their doubts and criticisms on my back. I remember the day when I seriously felt like I was drowning. I wanted to give up. I was literally in the hallway of Hell. The only problem was I didn't have time to break down. The three loves of my life needed me. So instead I put my big girl panties on and literally told a few people to f-off. (It felt pretty great, by the way.)


On March 20, 2011, our little family was reunited for the first time post injury. We were reunited in the living room of the Fisher House we stayed at while at WRAMC. You'll see in the video that I had to give the girls another little pep talk in the car. I wanted to remind them of what they would see. You'll see the girls and I rush in and you'll see me tear up. Those tears are a part of this beautiful moment where I realized that Chaz and I are one heck of a team. I realized that all the critics can just kiss my ass. I realized that only those three people in that room at that moment were all that mattered. The smiles on our little girls' faces told me that Chaz and I had made all the right choices.

On March 21, 2011, Chaz stood up for the first time. Michel and Gilles captured this moment for us as well. You'll see Michel try to talk to me, but I couldn't talk. I was just so thankful. I was thankful for technology and medicine that was helping to heal my family. I was thankful for so many things that made that moment possible. Words cannot express how thankful we are to Hero Miles and the Fisher House Foundation for all they have done to help us make the moments on this video possible. I was just swallowed by the blessings the Lord had given us and couldn't help but cry.


I hope you enjoy my behind the scenes thoughts. I'd get some tissues ready if I were you, I needed them. Here's the link...https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4764930929272

Thanks again to Brian for sharing these videos! I am thankful that someone else thinks stories like ours need to be told! 

Just to Clear Things Up......

This video is circulating around right now, (I should say again). https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=4756117228935 I will warn you now it is graphic. I would not suggest the weak stomached or small children watch it at all.

I just wanted to take a few minutes and answer a few questions. Here's what has been asked.....

Is that Chaz? Yup! It's him. You can see the legs and elbow that we all miss terribly. ;) 

Am I ok? Yup I am totally fine. We have seen it a few times and we have copies of both pieces TF-1 did in 2011. 

Did we know about it? Yes and we signed papers and gave our full permission.

Why would we allow it? War is real. Injuries are real. You do not get any more real than this. Michele (reporter) and Gilles (cameraman) were able to capture exactly what happened to Chaz. We feel they did an excellent job and others need to see the reality of the situation. Chaz and I are thankful for the footage. We were able to have a lot of questions answered.

Are we upset with the French or TF-1? No, we are not upset at all. The people of France have been beyond supportive of us. We have a standing invitation to visit the country as soon as Chaz is up to it. We hope to cross the ocean in 2014.

Have the girls seen it? No the girls have not seen it. We hope they don't see it until they are ready for it. We are thankful that when they are ready for it we can show them how heroic their Daddy was on the battlefield.

Does the Army know about this? Yes, the reporter and cameraman were embedded with the guys at the time. There is a second piece which was filmed at Walter Reed. All permissions for that one were obtained as well.


How can I watch it? It's my husband and I wanted to know everything. I have all of the answers I needed by watching this. The only part that bothers me if when Chaz yells, "Medic." I want to jump into the screen and save him. I can hear the pain in his voice. Every time I watch it, I get sick to my stomach because I couldn't save him.

Do I have nightmares from this? I have in the past, but not recently. Chaz and I are very thankful though that we know exactly who did what when and how to get Chaz home. This video actually created a dialog between not only Chaz and I, but also between the guys that were with him and I as well.

Does it bother me that it's circulating? Nope it doesn't bother me one bit. What does bother me are the stupid comments people made on the youtube link. Chaz has banned me from looking at that page. So I don't.

Is Chaz barking orders? Yes Chaz is not only barking orders he is also calling in for his own bird with his one good arm. I don't think this clip shows Doc yelling at Chaz to "Shut up and be a casualty." TF-1 provided us with additional footage and I can't remember if that made it in this one or not. But oh did I laugh when that was shouted at my hubby.

Is he moving his arm? Yes he was moving his right arm. Now you can see why I fought so hard with him to keep it. He remembered moving it and knew it was viable.

Was anyone else hurt? No one else that day was visibly injured. I can tell you they all were invisibly injured. Some have already come to grips with it and some have not. That was a tough day that had numerous ripple effects. When you watch the video you can understand why.

I am sure you have additional questions to ask. I can do my best to answer them. I just wanted to get this out there to let you know that we know about it. And more importantly you need to know we are ok with it. You might not understand how we are comfortable with the video. Here's the best way to look at it. You know the real ending and that ending is truly a Happy Ever After.....

Adding Our Ginger

Since Chaz retired January 19th, our little family has been met with one nasty hiccup after another. We arrived at our home January 20th to find our beloved dog, Arf, in bad shape. The next day we found out his heart was failing and that it was only a matter of time before he passed. We hoped he would just pass in his sleep, but instead we had him put to sleep that Friday. We had closed on our land the day before. Demetria and Ray were kind enough and buried Arf on our land for us that Saturday.

Monday January 28th, after our groundbreaking, the girls and I told Arf good-bye. Do you know Ginger was born January 29th? While that cute little pup was getting ready to come into our lives, we lost our friend Wes to suicide, Chaz developed shingles, then a flesh eating bacteria in his back, then we lost Derek. As Deryn put it one time during these past two months, "Can this crazy stop for a minute?"

All these one-two punches were really getting us down. I only mentioned the top four above, we have been hit with nothing but things that make you go "Grrr" consistently during the past two months and it needed to stop. We needed some sunshine in our lives. I missed my Arf so incredibly bad. One day I found myself looking for dogs. I found two very quickly and called to discover they already had pending pick ups. The third just never responded, so I decided to give up for a while. Then one day I found myself looking at dogs on the P.A.W.S. facebook page and there she was. I immediately took a screen shot of her on my iPhone to show Chaz.

Once Chaz gave the nod of approval, I called immediately and we were in luck she had not been claimed. Chaz and I knew with just her picture that Ginger would work for us. We wanted her for Easter, so we could put her in an Easter basket for our cuties, but we were told she would not be ready by then. We were totally fine with that, so we began developing Plan B.

As we discussed Plan B with our friends and family, we began referring to Ginger as "the laundry." We have an event coming up and Chaz will need a suit custom made for him. We knew the girls had heard us discussing this and we knew we could totally pull off our surprise now. We had a lot of laughs about "the laundry" before it arrived.

Ginger became an Allen on Friday, April 5. Chaz took my niece and little brother and picked Ginger up. I got the box ready. We snuck her into the house and planted her in the box. We told the girls that one of their boxes from our apartment in Maryland had arrived and they needed to come open it. I swear to you the adults were too excited for words. ;) Here are some great pics from our great day!

The box....

Inside the box....

 Girls open box....

 Girls excited to see what is in the box....

 Girls getting a better view....

 The "can we keep her/ is she ours moment"

 Please can we take her out of the box....

 My happy crew...

 Ginger meets the niece and neighbors.

 Too much excitement....she needs one last snuggle, then a nap.

I think you'll agree Ginger has been a great dose of happy for our family. We desperately needed a little bit of happy that only puppy kisses and a wagging tail can bring. Things have just been too serious and too crazy here. We needed to laugh and smile. There's just something about this dog. I truly feel like our Arf sent her to us. We cannot replace, nor will we ever forget Arf. Ginger is bringing so many smiles and laughs every day and I know she is the perfect fit for us.

Another Level of Ridiculous....

To add to the craziness of out lives, I just got off the phone with a less than delightful person from Tricare. Let me preface all of this with the fact that the Tricare South personnel are always friendly and I have never had a problem with them. I have not had one problem with Tricare South in the over a decade I have worked with them. Tricare North, well today I discovered that's another story. You see we received this letter the other day.

If you read it, you'll see Tricare wants to know what Third Party they can bill for Chaz's injuries. We have already been through this with Tricare South. The lady from Tricare South was so nice and just said to send in one of many things and we wouldn't hear anymore from them. We have never heard another word from Tricare South. As you can see, Tricare North wants their own proof.

Chaz had to have work done to his wheelchair before we left Walter Reed. It was actually the last thing he did. The last medical thing ever and boom Tricare North says hold up wait, prove what is going on?! I am confused?! Chaz was there being treated for two years and now you want proof? Ok fine, I'll call. I want the wheelchair people to get paid because they have been fabulous to us.

I called Tricare and was more than polite. I explained to the lady we submitted this form in 2011 and it hasn't been 2 years since I submitted that one. Then I explained my husband stepped on an IED and there's not a third party to bill unless she wants to find them in Afghanistan and I laughed. Well I guess she didn't find that funny. I was told she didn't care how my husband was injured. She was not discussing the matter any further because the bill was for him and not me. She wanted to know where he was and I told her he was at the VA (because he is). She then said our conversation was over unless I put him on the phone and he told her it was ok. I told her I am not asking questions about his records and am not violating HIPPA. I was simply questioning protocol since we already filed the form and due to the nature of the injuries. Then she snapped at me and said,"The federal government is the one looking for the proof of his injuries and you need to take this up with them and not me." Nice, huh?! I snapped and I said, "Wow, really? Well ma'am I truly hope you have a better day." Then I hung up on her.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have now entered into a new level of ridiculous. Rather than talking about protocol and trying to understand why we have to submit the same form and be polite about it, let's just blame the government and get snippy. Rather than being polite, let's be a jerk and ruin someone's day because you are obviously having a Monday on a Thursday. Rather than actually looking at our wounded, ill and injured medical files that you have full access to view, let's send them a form to make them justify their medical issues that you are obligated to pay.

Now I do not blame the lady on the phone for anything besides her rotten attitude. Obviously she needs to rethink her line of work. I blame the Tricare officials for not resolving this issue in advance or for not putting in some type of exemption so families of wounded don't have another hoop to jump through. And I have news for her a DD Form 2587 is a Department of Defense issued form, not Federal Government. So we can address this at the Pentagon level and not Congressional level and get this sucker taken care of. Here's an idea; the Department of Defense can have these forms filled out and signed at the time of treatment at the military treatment facility and we can avoid rude people at Tricare. Just a thought....

What's the saddest part of all of this? When I fill out the form there's not a "wounded in combat" box to check. I have to check "other" and then specify. Now the fun begins, because I need to decide what to write on that "other" line again.....

Saying Goodbye to Derek.....

When I think of Derek, I think of a quote from Julius Caesar. "Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once." Derek McConnell was a valiant Hero. He volunteered to serve our country. He agreed to protect us all and defend our constitution. Derek, unlike so many, chose to run right into the fire rather than run away. Derek was not afraid to fight. I am beyond honored that I was able to witness his fight so closely. I still cannot believe his fight has ended.

Derek entered our lives the day he was injured. Facebook linked our family to his. Thanks to facebook friends, I was able to help Siobhan and then Krystina navigate this mess of a system that we have to go through. I watched as they stood by, as I had done just months before, waiting for answers from doctors and surgeons. I tried to help them in anyway I could. I sat with them in waiting rooms. I brought them food. I kidnapped them to run out for lunch. Together we cried and screamed about having to go through this Hell.

I remember the day Siobhan was fired from her job. I remember the first time I finally met Derek. I remember the day he and Krystina got engaged. I remember tater tot casserole-date night. I feel we are truly blessed to have so many awesome memories with Derek and his family.

Derek made me cry when he asked if we would come watch him stand up for the first time. I literally choked up for a second. He said, "You have to be there. You're like family." And sure enough I teared up when he stood up for the first time, just like I did with Chaz.

Derek, Krystina, Chaz and I have sat around and discussed futures together. Chaz and I were reminiscing about the time when Derek asked us a gazillion questions about us. "How did you meet? How long before you were married? How did you know it was right?" Derek's questions kept coming and we happily answered them all. Derek is like a curious little brother to us and we were eager to help him any way we could. 

Our families go through so much on the road to the new normal. We bond through our tragedies. The last conversation I had with Derek will be the one that always sticks with me. He asked me if I ever thought all this sacrifice was worth it? And he confided in me that he feared a lifetime of health problems for Krystina, I and the other families to deal with it. We talked about how everyone handles this all differently. We talked about how America chooses to enjoy their ignorance. They choose to go to the mall rather than thinking about how to help those who sacrifice for them. I remember telling Derek that I had to chose to believe this is all worth it. He said that he agreed but that sometimes this fight really sucks. We laughed together because his statement was so true. I told Derek that I choose to believe God has a plan for us all. Today I still cannot understand how God could call him home so soon.

Goodbye Derek. Your fight is over. You fought so very hard for so long to stay with us. You demonstrated to us what a fighter truly is. You showed us the meaning of sacrifice. You defined what it means to be a Hero. Our family has been blessed to have had you in our life. You might be gone from our sight, but you will never be gone from our hearts. We still see your smile. We still hear your laughter. And we know you are now walking again in Heaven watching over all of us. You fulfilled the 10th Mountain mission. You completed your "Climb to Glory". We will always remember that it was "No Luck, Only Sacrifice." Rest easy soldier, your battle is done.

3-19-13 Family Update

I just wanted to put all of this out to those who care before I get a thousand texts and emails. I do not see myself online for the few days. So much has happened in the past week. I just need to take a break. 

First we are fine. Losing Derek has been hard on all four of us. We have been so invested in their  family since day one. My brain cannot comprehend that we won't be seeing him anymore. Team Derek was a part of our family. I do believe I am still in shock, because it just doesn't seem real. Please just know we are as good as we can be with all that has hit us recently.

The best news is that Chaz is set to be discharged from the hospital this afternoon. Everything is looking very good. He will be receiving antibiotics for eight weeks at home. This is our third discharge with a PICC line and Deryn has called dibs on it. (I think we have a nurse in the making). We are so happy for him to be coming home. Originally they thought he'd be there the rest of this week. So this news yesterday was a very bright light for us.

In other news, the girls and I are going to DC today. We were supposed to all four have been there Sunday for me to work and for Chaz to get his new legs. I delayed our trip 48 hours so we could figure everything out. Chaz is going to our home with my Mom and sister while we are gone. The girls are coming with me. Yes I have care plans for everyone. My plans would make your head spin, but the good news is I have them.

The past few days have been incredibly tough on me. I have been pulled in 46,000 directions it seems. Words cannot describe how incredibly stressful this past week has been for us. So please before you judge me for going to DC without Chaz, please know he insisted I go. And please know I have already dealt with some incredibly insensitive people the past few days who have no idea what this journey is like. Let me tell you there's nothing like someone who has no clue of what you have to deal with trying to make you feel like a bad person because you are attempting to help so many at one time. Luckily I know a few great caregivers who gave me some pep talks yesterday. I am so thankful for the ladies who know exactly what I am going through.

I am taking the girls with me because we have so many friends there who want to help us and to be honest I want them with me. I have missed them so much this past week. After what happened yesterday, Chaz is happy one of us can be there for Derek's family. It's so strange sometimes how everything works out.

Because of the recent events, I am taking a time out from the online world. I am going to get on a plane today with our girls and enjoy them. Then I am going to get to Walter Reed and help where I can.

The past week has been very hard on our girls too and they need some Mommy time. Just know that all is as good as it could be. Know that we are fine. Know that God has a plan for all of us even if it breaks out hearts every once in a while. And know you cannot have a testimony without tests. Thank you for your support and I'll update again in a few days!!